Syracuse, NY – “The Spanking” – Styleen’s – July 18 & 19, 2000
We had the day off on Tuesday and decided to take the band on a road trip to Niagara Falls. I was on vocal rest all day and realized over breakfast at Denny’s both how much of nothing gets said over meals – and how hard it is to join in the band’s mindless fun when you have no voice.
I called my dad looking for some sympathy. He understands vocal rest better than most and when I call him whistling into the receiver, he usually directs, “Whistle once for yes, twice for no,” and scrounges up a multiple-choice conversation that feels both compassionate and warm. But apparently, he didn’t know it was me when I whistled and blew kisses into the phone at him. “WHO is this?!?!” he demanded in a tone I’ve never heard him use. As I couldn’t respond in words, I whistled with greater enthusiasm. “Try some English!” he yelled and hung up. It shouldn’t have hurt. He clearly thought I was someone else. But it did and I felt lonely on the long drive up to Niagara.
The Falls were beautiful. The white water fell away from the cliff sides in slow motion, down through the stillness of a perfect rainbow, and landed with heavy fury on the black teeth-like rocks below. As I stood gapping over the ledge in a trance the wind switched directions and the rain came down, or up, I’m not sure which. Wetness seemed to come at us from all angles and all five of us were instantaneously soaked.
Being cold and wet did not deter Delucchi and me from buying ice cream cones from a yellow umbrellaed vendor. Chris got a triple scoop of red, black cherry and I got a double scoop of Kermit green, mint chocolate chip. It didn’t take us long before we were both covered in our fast-melting ice creams. We couldn’t seem to lick fast enough and the mess we were making, induced laughter that made it almost impossible to lick anything at all. suddenly Delucchi jabbed his red cone in my face leaving a huge blotch of melting cherry on my right cheek and it was WAR. Before we knew it both of us, soaked to the bone, were covered in green and red ice cream streaks. The drive to Syracuse was cold and messy. We sat on towels and dodged air conditioner vents.
The show at Styleen’s was silly and full of laughter. I brought a Trivial Pursuits card on stage and announced, “If anyone in the audience knows the answer to this question, they get to spank Kyle. But, if you get the answer wrong, Kyle spanks you.” I thought it was innocent enough. But when a brunette bombshell came to the mic and muttered her answer, it was clear she had no intention of being right. When Kyle gave her a little swat with his paw, she turned to him and said “Is that all you got?!?!” And the crowd howled.
On our way up to Maine, we stopped at a local bookstore. I bought a dogeared Sophie’s Choice. Kyle got Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Delucchi got some R Crumb comics. Soucy got something he’s already complaining he’s bored with and Kenny got a bodice ripper for 50 cents, which he’ll, no doubt have finished, by the next rest stop.