Hoboken, NJ – “Kraft Mac & Cheese, The Perfect Anti-Theft Device” -Maxwell’s – May 10, 2000

I awoke to someone yelling loudly in Spanish in the hallway. Hoboken, I remembered where we were almost immediately, as I reached my eyes toward a headboard clad like Elvis in white and gold. The bedsprings screeched reluctantly under my every movement. The bottom sheet, detaching from its embrace revealed an immoral, floral matrices below. The lampshades were pink and the bright jungle print comforters matched the opaque drapes. They looked like they’d just come off the set of “The Love Boat.” My mother would HATE this place, I thought to myself as I tripped toward the bathroom wearing an oversized John Forte “Poly Sci” T-shirt.

The door was unlocked and I opened it to find Delucchi staring skyward with a confused expression on his face. Looking up I discovered the ceiling was a wall-to-wall mirror. “What in the…Why?” He muttered with authentic concern as we both broke into bent-over laughter.

The show last night at Maxwell’s was pretty odd. The cellar-style venue, once known for having forever altered the face of the New York music scene, has hosted every band I can think of — Nirvana, REM, The Smashing Pumpkins, and Yo La Tengo just to name a few. A torrential thunderstorm drenched hopes of a sold-out show but, thanks to Soucy’s family-sized guest list, we had a reasonable and very enthusiastic turnout. Kenny blew his bass amp toward the end of the second set and the storm managed to flood our green room but the good news was no one got electrocuted as I’d expected. The night turned into one of those damp-to-the-bone scenes where everyone (band and audience) looked on the verge of hypothermia.

I was warned when we arrived, that Hoboken’s notorious for car break-ins. With over $100,000 dollars worth of equipment in our van I was nearly frantic to find a way to protect our gear when I suddenly had a brilliant idea. Leaving the band scratching their heads, I dashed into a corner bodega and returned with a box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. I threw it on the dashboard with a loud, “Ta, da.” The boys looked confused.
“Theft deterrent!” I exclaimed.
“How is Kraft Mac & Cheese theft deterrent, Sally?” asked Kenny with a, I can’t wait to hear this, expression on his face.
“Nobody’ll want to break in if they think this is the kind of grub we’re eating,” I insisted. The band burst out in laughter….

…but it worked. Thanks, Kraft Mac & Cheese.