New Hope, PA – “Bye Sister Sledge” – February 2, 2001

There’s a 4:00am wake-up call on Martha’s Vineyard from my brother Ben, who journeys over to my cabin in the woods with a cup of chai and a tired, no-lipped grin. He waits patiently for me to shower and pack, then takes me in the white Volvo through the blue, snowy, Vineyard roads that lead down to the ferry.  These twisty roads are more familiar to me than the childhood I spent traveling them.

The boats in the harbor tremble to and fro in the bitter, shivering water. Ben throws my blue guitar case on the upper level of the luggage rack. This is the brand of winter I identify with.  It’s not a soft quiet snow, or a decorated Christmas tree. It’s a bite in the air that makes me squint and clench my shoulders toward my neck. It’s the blue that covers everything and gets under my fingernails. It’s chapped hands and lips and frayed thoughts. It’s hissing evergreens buckled into their roots in a windstorm. It’s the ghoulish vapor that quiet coffee makes, the smell of flapjacks that dad bakes. It’s the goodbyes hollered from loved ones at the mouths of trains and boats over the wail and grumble and churn and bolt.


“Gu bye brother luv,” I say reaching up to give Ben a hug.
“Bye Sista Slege,” He hollers across the parking lot as I board the ferry.

Thus begins a day that threatens never to end.

When the ferry pulls into Woods Hole I take a car to the Amtrak station in Providence, a 9:58 Train to Trenton NJ, and at 3:00 PM, a car picks me up and drives me to “The Lambertville Inn.” The Lambertville Inn is in New Hope, PA, and couldn’t be a nicer, homier place to stay but for one thing — There’s only one room and in that one room, there’s only one bed and, when I arrive, I find one Christopher Daniel Soucy looking very uncomfortable sitting on the edge of that one bed. It’s not as if we haven’t had to sleep in the same bed before.  Over the first year of touring I recall sleeping head to foot at least one time with each band mates.  But it’s not my favorite thing in the world (no offense Soustopher, you know I love ya.)  

“Darnit,” says the promoter when I get him on the phone after the 3rd try, “we thought you guys were a couple,” “Duo, not couple,” I correct.  “Shoot, the hotel is all booked up at the moment,” he apologizes and Soucy and I go out for dinner resigned to our sleeping arrangements.   Luckily, the Inn had a last minute cancelation and Chris, wound up in his own room.

The Show was cool. It was in a high school. We opened up for John Sebastian of “The Lovin Spoonful” (Who, coincidentally, my father once opened for in the early 70’s). Our dressing room–a converted classroom, was guarded by some of the kids. They who carried our gear and stood outside our “backstage” door, protecting us, from what I’m not sure. But we never got shot or killed in any way so I guess they did a hell of a good job. One of them was in a band called “Urban Funk Monkeys” and he slipped me a disk to listen to. Not bad Sam.

Sally (Middle) Michael Park (left)
and Todd Rotondi (right)
Photo credit: Gene O’Brien

After signing some CDs and taking some pictures, we went on the town with some friends who’d come up from NYC to see the show.

White tinker bell lights hung from rafters. Snow blew from white shutters and the wind whipped and stung as we walked around the quaint town of New Hope.

We ended up at a local club called John & Peters.  The place was stuffed to the gills with handsome women and men wearing Peruvian wool sweaters, slung over chairs like dirty laundry. We didn’t make it home ‘til 5:00 am (I told you it was a long day).  The wake-up call came with a ring so loud it tripped me out of my dreams.  “Could you possibly call me back in 5 minutes?” I said desperately to the automated wake-up voice before realizing it was a recording.

Ouch!

On our ride to the Philadelphia airport, Soucy and I reflected on how quick, easy and lucrative to our mini-tour had been.  But something had been missing from it—something important.  When we climb into Moby as a band in Colorado and make our way to the crusts of the nation, there is a commearadery forged between us.  When forced to sleep in one bed, laugh at the same billboards, help each other through a hard time, subsist on gas station food, load in each other’s instruments, pick out each other’s stage cloths—that’s when the real music happens as far as I’m concerned.  We are bonded as a band under the pressures of the road.  While the limos, separate rooms and plane rides were luxurious, I missed the struggle and connection that comes with less.   It’s interesting, I thought as I took a seat next to Soucy on the plane, that what makes the road hard is what makes it good.

“Homeward bound,” I said, perching a blue pillow between my head and the plane’s oval window. To which Soucy responded with Simon & Garfunkel’s,

“Home, where my thoughts are na na.

Home, where my de do de da.

Home, Where my la las waiting silently for me.”

I laughed but then the tune got stuck in my head and any time either one of us mentioned the word “home” we’d break into song.  Unfortunately, neither of us could remember the lyrics and were forced to do “na na’s” and “do de’s” in place of lost words.  By the time we reached Denver, the utterance of the word “home” was banned and if one of us slipped up and said it, it was followed by the universal, fist shaking sign for “I’m going to strangle you if you we don’t stop singing that song.”

None the less….It’s good to be home…“Na na na na la la de do da hm hm…”

Atlantic City, NJ – “Like a Rockstar” – Sands Casino – January 29, 2001

It’s expensive to pretend to be a celebrity.

Stretch limos circle the glitzy hotels of Atlantic City like hungry sharks. Soucy and I have taken five of them just this weekend. The one that picked us up yesterday drove us only four blocks but, of course, expected a tip at arrival. Our new upgrade in gigs has come with a new expectation that we’ll tip… EVERYONE. Never once did I think to tip a desk clerk at our Motel 8 or Fairfield Inn. But with these fancier venues and accomodations, it’s three dollars to the doorman for smiling at us, five to the driver who opened our door, and a few bucks to each of the three bag-handlers who insisted I was incapable of rolling my own suitcase down the hallway (They should see me load in a drum kit).

When I asked where to check in, the chauffeur gestured toward the VIP line, pronouncing that “anyone arriving by limo is automatically a VIP.”
But the VIP check-in line had more people on it than the “I’m just a regular shmo” check-in so I opted for the line with the sweat pants and messy buns fitting in much more comfortably than with the diamond rings and cufflinks in the VIP queue.

Soundcheck at the Copa Lounge began around 5 p.m. The stage was adorned with backlit palm trees bathed in shimmering green lights. Clad in jeans, flannel, and a puffy vest, I felt absurdly out of place against the glowing opulence and theatrical ambiance. But the crew couldn’t have been kinder, the green room had complementary toothbrushes for us and the show was a total success.

We didn’t gamble though we were invited to join the staff after the show. We didn’t want to tempt the gods after our outstanding $27 dollar winnings at The Mohegan Sun the night before (hehe). Despite our protestations, Bob, the promoter, insisted we take another limo back to the city (NYC) in the morning so I could catch my flight back to Martha’s Vineyard to see my mama for a couple days between shows. We woke up early to catch some of the complimentary buffet offered in the hotel before heading home.

At the buffet counter stood a sandwich board that read “THE EPIC BUFFETT,” due mainly to the décor, I assume—think Gone with the Wind meets Jerry Springer. woman with a French twist and a black apron sat us and left us with an off-white thermos of staggeringly bad coffee which even three packets of Swiss-Miss cocoa couldn’t save. Exhausted, I looked around the restaurant while Soucy forced a stack of dry flapjacks down his gullet. A group of men sat laughing and pointing at the waitress’s backside. A couple of middle-aged ladies with fire-red hair and painted-on jeans, chewed gum while they ate their crayon-yellow scrambled eggs, parking the wads in their cheeks between bites (lotta practice goes into that folks).

Then Soucy spat out his toast: “Don’t look,” he said “but there’s a couple behind you and I’ve never seen anything more disgusting in my life.” I knew there was a couple behind me. They’d been talking with such hard-edged New York accents I could barely tell what language they were speaking, but man, were they loud and obnoxious and hard to phase out. How could I manage not looking after Soucy said he was seeing The Most Disgusting Thing he’d ever seen?!?! I mean I’ve lived in a van with this man for two years and we’ve seen some nasty stuff. It was practically an invitation to turn around, but I was hardly prepared for what I saw.

A woman in her early 30s was tearing off little pieces of her sausage, putting them in her mouth, then spitting them across the table, into her gold chain-wearing, hairy chest-bearing boyfriend’s mouth. That was our cue to exit THE EPIC BUFFETT.

Sal & Len Soucy on a warmer day at The Raptor Trust

Our seventh and final Stretch limo of the weekend was white. “Not so into the white limo. Kinda hoping for the black,” Soucy muttered, climbing into the spacious interior. “Getting kinda spoiled there eh Souc?” I laughed. “Why does it matter? You’re inside,” I teased. “Yeah,” he replied, “but other people can see.” I held my belly and laughed and sighed and eventually slept. Chris couldn’t stand that I was sitting on the comfy (front-facing) couch, and slid in beside me so as not to ‘miss out on all the luxury’ and so we ended up smooshed together on the back seat in the HUGE, complementary s t r e c h ride back to New York City.

I dropped Soucy at his parent’s house in Millington New Jersey on the way. His folks run The Raptor Trust dedicated to the rehabilitation of wild birds and when we pulled up, the staff gave Soucy endless grief for arriving in a limo, calling it “Moby’s rich white cousin” and laughing when it was too big to fit through the drive way.

Back on the highway, the chauffeur wanted to know if it was true that Carly Simon was my mom and when I said it was, he smiled into the rearview mirror, taking me all in before saying, “You’re the first celebrity I’ve ever had in my car,” then paused before adding “besides Kenny Rodgers.” And I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I’m not a celebrity—just an average joe like him so I let him kept his dream alive as we cruised over the long bridge to Manhattan and when we arrived at the airport, I tipped him like a rockstar.

Mohegan Sun Casino, CT – “Money in the Key of C major” -The Wolf Den – January 26, 2001

Ka-Ching, Ka-Ching, Ka-Ching.

The hopeful chime of slot machines in C major reverberates endlessly through the casino, a surreal symphony we cannot escape. It’s a sound so constant, so consuming, it feels less like background noise and more like the digestive tract of the building itself.

When we step into the backstage dressing room, it feels like an entirely different world. Frankly? It’s nicer than our hotel room. Soucy jokes, with a glint of sincerity, about spending the night on the saffron-crushed velvet couches. The room is decadence personified—fruit plates, cheese platters, gardenia-scented candles, bottles of red wine, freshly juiced drinks, and water are neatly arranged. Outside the door, a gray plaque bears my name, an official touch that makes me pause. This is the backstage treatment I’ve always dreamed about, yet never allowed myself to think I deserved.

Carmen appears with her radiant smile and bouncy black curls, ushering us to sound check. She’s the heart of this whole operation, we quickly realize. Behind the stage, a movie screen looms, ready to project towering images of me singing later tonight. For now, it loops an ethereal montage of wolves bounding through snow, howling under moonlight. It’s fitting—the venue is The Wolf Den Theater at the Mohegan Sun—and through the entranceways, animated wolves bark, wag their tails, and silently bray alongside the relentless slot machine tune.

The legendary casino din, locked in its perpetual C major, is so overwhelming that it drowns everything else out. Even ourselves. The sound engineer, immune after years, mentions how it unnerved Herbie Hancock during his visit. Apparently, Hancock abandoned his second set entirely, crawling inside the grand piano to pluck C major progressions straight from the strings—a unique jam session with the casino’s mechanical orchestra.

Back in the dressing room, I’m unwrapping dips and testing miniature pastries (cheesecake gets a solid “yum”) when Carmen pops back in. “Your skirt is a little ripped—do you mind if I mend it?” she asks.

“Are you kidding? That would be amazing!” I reply, stepping out of it and handing it to her. “This skirt is special. My mom gave it to me in high school—it was hers when she was my age. No matter how many times I patch it, it falls apart again.” I laugh as she pulls out a tiny sewing kit like a magic wand. The skirt is my Velveteen Rabbit, its wear and tear proof of the love it’s carried over decades. My own attempts at darning, often with waxless dental floss (a habit I’ve inherited from my dad) have been rudimentary at best. The fabric is so fragile that even a small gust of wind threatens its integrity, but I can’t bear to retire it. Carmen, who has already pressed and hung Soucy’s and my wardrobe, works like a magician. It’s impossible not to adore her. By now, I think we’re officially her biggest fans.

The truth? Soucy and I are nervous. It’s been months since we last performed, especially a duo acoustic set. After sound check, we rehearse downstairs in the green room. I repeatedly dress, undress, and redress myself—for something as small as a solo show, it oddly feels like a big deal. The nervous energy bubbles over, and we decide to gamble away the $17 we’d won the night before. A lighthearted moment before the real show begins.

When it’s finally time, The Wolf Den crowd greets us warmly. They’re unfazed by the constant casino chaos spilling through the wolf-guarded archways. The space, public and open, thrums with an unpredictable energy, like the heaving, stormy churning of a deep sea. Yet somehow, the performance is fun—alive, even. The audience is forgiving, even enthusiastic, and for a while, we’re all swept up in something larger than the growling slot machines and the barking digital wolves.

It’s nights like these that remind me why I love this. The music, the people, the unexpected moments stitched together like the patches on my mom’s old skirt. Flawed, fragile, and endlessly meaningful..

Soucy and Sally, Headin’ East – “Winnings & Losings” – Casinos – January 25, 2001

Today marks the start of what I’m calling “The U-Turn Tour.” It’s not a traditional tour per se. It’ll just be Soucy and me and we won’t be driving, but flying between shows. It’s an upgrade for us — an indication we’ve been doing something “right.” Something that’s inspired both a bump in our paycheck as well as our mode of transportation (no disrespect Moby). These improved conditions are a testament both to our hard work the last four years and to our new booking agent, Jonathan Shank’s persistence and advocacy. Perhaps next time we’ll get to bring the whole band.

The slot machine blurs into a kaleidoscope of lemons, cherries, and searing red 7s, spinning in hypnotic abandon. All I know is that the moment those elusive three “bars” align horizontally, the quarters I’ve poured into the machine magic their way back to me. By 11:30 p.m., though, $7.25 has disappeared into the void without reimbursement. I’m teetering on the edge of giving up when Soucy, eyes gleaming with reckless confidence, suggests a higher-stakes game: “Dollar video poker!!”

It’s been a day—correction, a long day. Our flight from Boulder to Connecticut held nothing back in testing my patience. While still in Colorado, I lost my wallet containing $100 bucks, along with my credit cards, a receipt collection that could probably wallpaper a small living room, and most painfully, a picture of my brother and me recording together over Thanksgiving in Martha’s Vineyard. Losing it all—correction, losing it all again, felt like a punch in the gut. Soucy, somewhat begrudgingly, lent me some cash. But boarding the plane with an oversized carry on guitar, without an ID, took every bit of charm Soucy and I could muster.

Leaving the rest of our band behind in Colorado? Daunting. Imagining performing in casinos without the heartbeat of a full-rhythm section? Terrifying. How were Soucy and I meant to compete against the bells of winnings and the groans of losings without Kyle’s thud and Kenny’s blub?

On the plane, Soucy was seated in the middle of the aisle. This made him cranky until an exquisite girl took the window seat and mesmerized him by scribbling notes to herself in tiny pink letters all flight. We were served chicken cordon bleu and one highly processed chewy chocolate for “dessert.”

The casino, when we finally arrived, was gleaming like the inside of a pulsating gem. While no one moved apart from an arm here and there to pull slot handles, the circling energy of the room created the appearance of a strange, exotic dance. Endless panels of carnival mirrors twisted a warped reality and reflecting caricatures of ourselves. Over it all, like a blanket, hung an eerie din, a drone vibrating through the bones of the place. “Flatted fifth inside a dominant seventh chord,” Soucy murmured knowingly. “They’re crafting tension—on purpose—so you’ll crave a release that never comes.”

Dollar Poker proved to be a much more skillful game but more lucrative too. Not only did I make back my $7.25 but between Chris and I, we netted approximately $28 bucks (exciting for two novice gamblers). Our first act of celebration? Two Heinekens. The beers quickly devoured most of our spoils leaving us only $17 bucks after tip, but we didn’t care. Bottles in hand, we went to scope out the Wolf Den, our venue for tomorrow’s set. That’s when the security guy appeared, eyebrows etched into furious angles. “You gotta have that beer in a glass!” he barked, one hand gesturing sternly while the other lingered over his handcuffs. Ours felt like a crime as arbitrary as jaywalking in a deserted town but that security guard meant business. We chuckled about it on the way back to the bar but Soucy took the reprimand seriously and his mood dampened like a soggy bath mat. There would be no more gambling tonight.

I went back to my hotel room, ate everything in the minibar, and fell asleep with the TV blaring.